A few of you have asked me why One Heart Too Few hasn't been updated. I have about nine new chapters that I will be putting up one day. A LOT of stuff has happened in my personal life (dad died, miscarried, lost my best friend), but one thing happened that I simply cannot shake.
I'm currently dealing with PTSD. I was assaulted March 23, 2011. It's as though my life is on shut down. I can't write. I can't think straight. I'm on a ton of medication. I no longer drive. Going out in public (and fearing that I will run into the asshole who did this) makes me throw up and have cold sweats. I have night terrors. I have day terrors. I've started sleepwalking again and I haven't done that since I was a teenager. My medication is too expensive so we've cut down on anything that isn't 100% necessary. And it's still not enough. We're sinking and sinking fast.
The depression, anxiety and panic attacks are killing me. Lately . . . I just want to close my eyes and never wake up again. Quit living. Quit existing. Quit feeling. Just . . . remove myself from the world and never look back. I'm worth more monetarily dead than alive. Right now --- I'm just another bill that we can't afford.
Be safe out there, folks. Watch your back, don't trust strangers, and don't open your door if someone knocks late at night. Even if he does look like a young kid in need of help.
I'm linking you to my story. The police report is there. Photos are there. A note from my psychiatrist is there on her prescription pad to prove she's treating me and what she's treating me for. I feel like I will probably write again one day, but right now my brain is so clogged up with hurt and meds and worry over money that it's hard for me to carry on a conversation, much less get words down on paper that make sense. It's like he stole my imagination every time his fist or foot connected with me. He certainly stole my will to live.
Once upon a time you all let me tell you the story of Callie and Erica the way *I* wanted it to go. You encouraged me. You made me smile. You gave me confidence in my writing ability. You've already given me so much, but I'm asking you for more. I know it's a lot to ask, but please repost the link below anywhere online that you are allowed to do so. Please do this for me. You guys recommended 'One Heart Too Many' to your friends and by word of mouth it became a surreal experience with hundreds of readers who blessed me with feedback, friendship, and love.
I'm asking you to recommend my story again. But this time it's about me. It's non-fiction. And right now, there is no happy ending in sight.
Trigger warning because there are photos of the aftermath at the link below:
Thank you all. So much. I love and miss you.